IS IT SO HARD TO BE KIND?

We all seek our fortune with great hope and weave dreams in the course. We meet all sorts of people and experience a myriad of situations comprising of favourable and unfavourable circumstances, joy and pain, success and failure, yet the human psyche relentlessly pursues his dream. In this pursuit of seeking our fortune, does one chose to trample on people or respect and remember those who help us, do we shower kindness and treat people with dignity...or are we driven to ill treat helpless people inorder to feel powerful and in control?

A good friend of mine, a very learned person, gave a lot of charity and was spiritually inclined. In fact she shared within our big group of lady friends, a lot of stories that had a great moral message. Some of those stories I still narrate to children and friends. I admired her spirit, her confidence and courage and in her company, I learnt a lot. She had only one drawback. Her temper. Her temper knew no bounds. She got irritated at the slightest. Her knowledge and efficiency and position in society made her extremely proud. I felt disturbed and saddened at the way she treated people who worked under her. She ran an extremely successful business. I sadly witnessed some of her staff cry. Although the tears appeared as colourless water, it carried in essence, extreme pain and sorrow. Her staff wished she would treat them fair and well, but to no avail. But all they got was verbal abuses and emotional taunting and their agony kept increasing.

I realised my friend was a very unhappy and discontented lady with huge emotional problems, who found some pleasure and self contentment when she humiliated, taunted and verbally abused and scared her staff. At the same time, I was baffled, how she would treat the poor people on one hand and how she would hold prayer meetings, spiritual discussions, give away charity on the other and go visit distant seeking Almighty's blessings. Slowly, her business fell, her staff left her, and she left Kuwait. Just before she left, a huge calamity struck her and her world fell apart.

I was so glad when I slowly weaned myself away from the friendship I shared with her as I didnot feel comfortable or right being the friend of someone who subjugated poor people to utter misery. If I continued, it meant I sanction what is wrong. Importance of treating people as human beings first, irrespective of which strata of society they come from, I pass that on to my children.

Its more easy to be kind than mean and what you can accomplish by that has no boundaries. This reminds me of a saying, 'My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness.' - The Dalai Lama

The Wait

There is a famed Raja Ravi Varma painting depicting a lady in a white sari 'In Waiting', or should I say in 'Contemplation'. Maybe both...A person who is waiting for something important to happen would not only be waiting but would be contemplating on so much, envisioning the beautiful experience or moment that lay ahead or worried what if the much awaited never happens. The ever restless mind would engage in thoughts and feelings perhaps otherwise alien to the individual. A mother waits for over 9 months to see the face of the unborn child she only envisioned, eventually culminating in sheer thrill and joy upon actually seeing the baby she carried . When my son was in the afternoon shift batch while he was in 2nd standard during his schooling in Kuwait, he would wait for me a bit sad and impatient as I would only arrive after all the children have left school, as I had to pick my daughter from her dance class and then pick him up. When he saw me, he would come running towards me with his heavy school bag and water bottle dangling from his neck, hair flying in the wind and he would be so happy to see me. In 1990, the Kuwaitis and all the expatriates in Kuwait, waited for 6 months, for the Iraqi Invasion of Kuwait to end and our joy knew no bounds when Iraqi troops were ousted by the coalition forces and life returned to normalcy in Feb 1991. I know of an aging mother who waits for her estranged son in USA who has'nt visited her for over 20 years! But she has faith, that he would come to see her.

Waiting to know the result of an interview, waiting for your salary, waiting in a long queue, waiting for a friend who is late, waiting for a promotion, waiting to meet that special person, waiting for a bus, waiting for your family member to recover from hospitalization or an illness, we wait for so many reasons. Sometimes the wait is not for anything ordinary, but for a miracle. Paolo Coelho the famed writer expresses in his novels, not to fight the natural order of happenings. When we move along with the rhythm of the natural order of the universe, it helps to keep calm and see things from a different perspective. Its not easy to be patient. The worry of the unknown hangs like a cloud while standing in the Waiting List of the Universe. But its always worth the wait.....whatever you are waiting for, if its meant to be, then it surely happens, If it does'nt then, there is definitely something better out there and its only a matter of time. On a positive note, a hindi quote goes 'Saburi ka phal meeta hota hai'. Sweet is the fruit(result) of waiting.

HONOURING LIFE

Reading the condemning news of the blasts in Delhi points out how perpetrators have little value for another's life totally ignoring the fact that everyone values his life, weaves hopes and dreams and no one would ever wish to die being a victim to suicide bombing or a victim of bomb blasts, leaving behind bereaving families who will never ever get to see the husband who left to work, or the child who left to school or the mother who went for some errand or the brother or sister who stepped out. Death is inevitable and is accepted somehow when it comes as a result of disease, oldage or natural catastrophies. Two years ago, I had seen a movie at the Kerala International Film Festival, titled, "Paradise Now". It was a famed movie that won several international awards and was made by a Palestinean director Hany Abu Asad, that dwells into the minds of 'suicide bombers' that believe in a cause. In the movie, even their own families don't know they are trained and potential suicide bombers, which in all probability is the case of real life assailants. A cause as confusing and unjustifiable as their own fears and lack of vision or respect for another's life. But whatever be their cause, they consider that their mission their sole duty, even if it means they die for it or kill for it or get caught for such an atrocious act. Can the act of destroying life get anyone to any paradise, if it means killing innocent people and children who deserve to live. Paradise here or in after life, is a result of good deeds and not anything destructive. If the efforts and masterminding implemented in making and planting of bombs would be utilized in constructive ways that contribute to betterment of people, society or lives, we would have terror free nations.

ONAM A FESTIVAL OF JOY

Onam is not just a harvest festival, then what is it?....its a festival of all thats good, radiating joy, happiness, togetherness. In kerala, no other festival would bring thousands of people and families out on the streets shopping, walking, enjoying the festive air, congregating in melas and where trade fairs are held. Iam yet to see a festival, where over 25 to 30 varities of vegetarian dishes including sweet, sour, hot dishes are are served, that too on plantain leaves. Yes its the Ona Sadya which every malayalee looks forward to during Onam. Its a fun filled time for children. They are excited about their new clothes and joyously participate in arranging flower decors in their porch or in the front yard of their homes or in the lobbies of high rise buildings.

I once made the mistake of asking my servant while I lived in Kuwait, 'so would you be coming tomorrow?' And she shot back, 'what are you saying Mole, no one works on Tiruvonam'. I have never asked this question again to anyone, but yes, the malayalee office goers have to work on Tiruvonam in Gulf and other places abroad as it isnt an international holiday, nor is it a national holiday in any foreign country. Ofcourse they could opt to take a day off from the accumulated annual holiday. And if possible, a lot many did just that. Onam is as exciting to me even today as it was when I was a child and visited my grandmother during my holidays. As my grandmother lived in a joint family with a huge amount of members, I found it absolutely fun and exiciting arranging attapookalams with lots of children around my age. We played games and fought and made up and competed with our best outfits and fished for compliments. I would squat on the ground with others while we were served by grandmother on plaintain leaves. I hardly was aware of the commendable work the ladies of our joint familydid preparing sadya which was indeed not an easy task. They spent hours in the kitchen and I would pop in and out at times looking for goodies to eat. My granny had jars of goodies in a special cupboard where my hands never failed to reach out to. If someone were to ask me, if I've seen God, I would probably not reply in affirmative, but I would relate all thats Godly and godliness to two wonderful human beings, my grandparents. It was after my marriage that I actually started to prepare full fledge sadyas every year and realized the effort involved, which is actually and purely labour of love.

I learnt the art of giving and importance of sharing from my grandparents. They taught me the importance of love and how to value others around us. Most of the important lessons of our life are not learnt in classrooms or what is repeatedly told to us umpteen times by our parents. We learn from what we see and observe. We live by example. What and how we choose to do things are so important. Our children are observing us and learning by examples we set. We are constantly passing messages to them by our actions. Most importantly my grandparents taught me that one must me grateful for all that we have. Every Onam I spent with my grandmother was an opportunity to observe and learn life's important teachings.

Let me take my readers on a short journey to Onam in Ernakulam. My children and I had the good fortune to enjoy the spirit of Onam in Ernakulam the last 3 days. The Hindu had held an Attapookalam competition in the TDM Hall and it was a visual treat and there were such inticrate and elaborate and even complicated geometrical designs, all very painstakingly done. The same was held in Trivandrum as well. We attended an Anthurium exhibition. The anthuriums were in massive sizes and myriad of colours like chocolate brown, strawberry pink and mexican chilli red and so on. They were arranged so beautifully. At night, my son and I walked for about 45 minutes covering a huge mela or trade fair held just opposite the hotel we stayed in Durbar Hall road. It felt nice to be amidst a large crowd, people you don't know but yet, all congregated and moving about in the Mela because it's Onam. Observing the people, I felt, happiness, smiles and joy radiating in the air. Young, elderly and children cherished hot 'Mulagu Bhaji' (chillies fried in gram flour batter) and a majority were on a shopping free. Boghatty palace had held a wonderful fashion show 2 days ago. Hotel BTH had a grand Ona Sadya and I was pleasantly surprised to see hundreds of people flocking to have the sadya with beautiful classical music in the background. We roamed the M.G. road with shops attracting customers of sorts. My daughter was surprised at the beautiful jewellery collection at the D'Damas showroom in M.G. road. I took her there, as personally I admire the collection they have, be it in Gulf or in India. Their best collection are from Italy, Bahrain, Dubai and Singapore. A visit to Fabs in Ravipuram is a must. They have a great collection of fabrics and ready made outfits of both soft and sensual colours that are so very attractive. Their home linens, sheets, cushion covers, accessories are quite a collection. The best cakes and coffee are served in Coco Tree near Avenue Regent. I must give equal importance to the Barrista in BayPride Mall which does serve wonderful coffee. The shopping in Ernakulam is fantastic that suits every pocket, with endless variety and choices. One shop had a well decorated elephant, swinging its tail and chewing away sugarcane! Okay, Iam not promoting commercialization, but it does exist and its perfectly up to a person how he wishes to celebrate, as ultimately Onam should only bring fond memories when you think about it.

We returned in time for our quiet yet pleasant Tiruvonam back in Trivandrum. I made sure there was still some space left in my stomach after the sadya and 4 types of payasam. I slept like a log catchin up on all the lost sleep and woke up rejuvenated. Trivandrum continues to celebrate Onam for the next few days and there are lots of great programmes lined up in Chandrashekar Nair stadium and Nishagandi in Kannakunnu palace grounds and Musical programmes in Poojapura Maidan where thousands of people come each year to watch the shows. Various residents assocations and colleges hold games, picnics, onam programmes like singing, dancing, vadam velli (tug of war) and uri adi (breaking pot by a blind folded person, whilst suspended from a rope dangling to and fro). Certain temples hold their own special musical programmes as well.

What a beautiful festival indeed! Onam always a festival of Joy!

ONAM 2008

As the countdown begins for Onam, its exciting to think about a whole lot of events lined up for Onam by Kerala tourism and the government in Trivandrum. The KTDC office opposite the Museum would come out with colourful brochures with a listing of various programmes for atleast a week during Onam. A whole lot of very traditional programmes are planned, to revive dying dance art forms of the past. The processions and floats, on the day of commencement and conclusion are sights one shouldn't miss. Music concerts, ghazals, classical dances, traditonal art forms, kalari, theyyam, pulli kalli, Ottamthulal, kathakali, food stalls, there's a lot that would be happening. I have never seen such a huge congregation as there would be, during the Onam days, each year at the Kanakakunnu palace premises, Nishagandhi Open auditorium and Surykanti open air. There are special rides erected for children and adults. Chendamela and caparisoned elephants greet you at the entrance to Kanakakunnu. There would be a heavily make up clad and ornamentally dressed up Maveli as well who will pose with you or for you if you wish, for the camera. I look forward to the KTDC Onam programmes every year, as the events get better and better. Dance enthusiasts can revel in the magical performance of Shobana who would grace Chandrashekar Nair this Onam (sponsored by Rosebowl channel), with her ever captivating performance. Shobana being the neice of my daugther's bharatanatyam dance teacher, we chanced to meet ther in person when she visited Kuwait and visited my daugther's dance teacher. A charming and gorgeous Shobana interacted with all the dance students including my daughter. It was an exiciting and memorable event in the lives of the young dance aspirants. She is one of the most gifted and beautiful dancers in our country and an actress par excellence.

In Kuwait, the malayalee organizations would be gearing up to celebrate Onam with sadya on plaintain leaves specially flown in by flights for this occasion. My mind trails back to the days when Onam would be celebrated by Malayalis in Kuwait with the same fervor as they would here. Its same till today, with lots of programmes and games for children. Onam is quite commercialised now compared to my childhood days, when the celebration was a family affair. My children used to have a gala time during Onam peforming in various programmes and competitions on stage for their school as well as for various Malayalee organizations, participating in bhajans, dramas, dances and games for children.

The climax is a Ona Sadya with varities of vegetarian dishes served with rice, followed by 2 or 3 kinds of payasam. Ona sadyas are prepared by the ladies within the family. I see many a hotels here advertise Ona Sadya, which one could go and pick up or they would deliver the Ona Sadya to our home. After Ona sadya, one would have consumed sufficient food to feel full for the next few days! I usually look for a bed to snooze after a Ona sadya or if Iam in the middle of a function, I hope not fall asleep standing or sitting. Iam reminded of a message of Onam I heard in a speech made by a Principal of a school during one such celebration in Kuwait. The gentleman said, when we have had ona sadya, we are so full, we dont want to eat anymore. Infact there is no space for anything more. We are satisfied and content. The message being...similary, one has to find satisfaction and contentment in all aspects of our lives. Being a family celebration, it gives great importance of unity and togetherness, infact any celebration is meant to bring people and society together as one. HAPPY ONAM.

FOR THE LOVE OF FOOD OR FOR THE LOVE OF HEALTH

More than the price of food, is the price one has to pay for indulging in eating rich food laden with sugar and fat. Yes obesity. Oops, in Britain, one cannot anymore, use the word 'obese' and this is to substituted by using the term 'very overweight' or else its considered highly 'offensive'. Well, I think a child or person who is termed as 'fat', although may smile or laugh at being called so, would feel hurt to be labelled so. Then imagine if they were to be termed as 'obese' or 'overweight'. If our government were to levy heavy tax on foods that are too sweet, too salty, and too rich, like the French government has decided to impose (they are going to impose a 19.6% tax), people would be forced to shy away from buying something too expensive or the frequency of eating junk would considerably reduce. It seems like a good way of actually helping people exercise restraint from laying their hands on junk food.

It takes 21 days to form a new habit. If one were to deliberately stay away from fattening and sweet foods for 3 weeks, the craving for such food would actually stop. And you get a bonus along with this new habit, a disciplined mindset towards foods. One would instead of being tempted to grab for junk food, would learn to say 'no thanks' to junk and 'yes' to healthy food. A bonus number 2 would be better health.